Confessions of a Poultry Fancier
I realised that I had an addiction several years ago, when I found myself scouring online chicken forums night after night.Once the family had gone to bed I would crack open my laptop and log on. I would compare prices and breeds, fantasizing about my next purchase. I had ten hens, which was the maximum number allowed by our municipal authorities. Five different breeds, ten hens. All heritage varieties, all old-school classics.I could â almost â handle myself on the noticeboards and sales forums, but a live poultry auction was a different story. When I was amongst all those amazing birds I just had to bid, and I bid higher and higher each time. A live poultry auction was like a casino for me: I just could not help myself. Luckily, the vendors had thoughtfully put them into cardboard boxes for me while I was still unconscious.My husband was horrified, especially since I had to find a way of packing them into the car for the three-hour drive home. We have a really small car, which meant that I had to put my husband in first and then find artful ways of packing the poultry in around him. I put a box on his lap, then stacked another on top of it. We drove home with his face pressed against the top box.It would not have been so bad if it had not been raining all day, but the thing is: the smell of warm, wet hen can get quite overwhelming under certain conditions. For example, if it is freezing cold outside, but inside you have a car heater that's blowing hot air through fifteen cardboard boxes, and those boxes are filled with sodden, hysterical birdsâ¦well that's just a recipe for disaster. After an hour or two, the husband went all quiet on me. A drive like that can put a real strain on a marriage. To be fair to him, it was around that point that my life began to unravel. I had started to lie â and lie compulsively- about how much time I was spending online. Every night I would skulk off, telling the family that I had to 'work' on the computer. The truth was: I just could not wait to barricade myself in my office. I would bury myself in combs and wattles, looking up obscure breeds and planning the flock of my dreams.And what was the flock of my dreams? The big questions that all flocksters face had begun to haunt me. Should I stick with utilitarian but productive breeds like the Rhode Island Red or even (I can barely admit it) the Isa Brown? Or should I raise pretty-but-useless glamour chickensâ¦something along the lines of a Belgian Duccle? I was truly torn. I mean, was is it even ethical to raise a flock of beautiful but utterly useless birds? Did the world really need the poultry equivalent of the Kardashians?My obsession may seem strange to a modern urbanite, but in agricultural circles, my problem is well-recognized. The Americans (in their wisdom) have established a Society for the Preservation of Poultry Antiquities. A person who keeps rare or distinctive breeds is actually called a Poultry Fancier. There are more of us out there than you can possibly imagine.These days I have a little of thirty birds, and the truth is that family life is not always smooth. My husband has accepted a level of compromise; he seems to feels that adopting a harm minimization approach is preferable to breaking up the family. I know that he regrets not marrying a normal woman. For him, the omelets are not really worth it. My children, who have grown up in the shadow of my illness, simply take life as it is. They think that we are a normal family. They even mimic some of my compulsive behaviors and beg for chickens of their own.Addicts love company, and I must admit that I have encouraged their interest. Perhaps I am leading them astray; I must admit that I am a little worried about my oldest child, Ethan. He has been breeding Australorps, but it seems that these plucky little black-feathered birds are no longer enough for him. He is now begging me for yet more fertile eggs. He wants to raise some light Sussex, and a few Plymouth Rock (the barred variety, if possible). Watching his tiny head as it bends over a book I bought him ('Amazing Chickens'), I am reminded of the Alcoholics Anonymous quote: for some of us, one is far too many and a thousand is not enough.I am hoping that he, at least, will be able to keep his habit under control. Clapping is caringâ¦if you like this story please clap and subscribe
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